Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
