Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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