he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
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