Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
