i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
