i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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