dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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