what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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