oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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