Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
