you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Pants are for mortals
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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