It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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