dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize