is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
