i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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