The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
