Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
