you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
