someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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