I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
