Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
