Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
