it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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