Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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