I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
