Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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