somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
