I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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