Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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