Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Two words: blizzard sex
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
