Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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