just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
