I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize