My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
