remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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