Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
