This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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