i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
