Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
