He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
