and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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