uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize