I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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