trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
