just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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