The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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