what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize