I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
