so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
