The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
