Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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