I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
