Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize