the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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