I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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