shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
