so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
