Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
