I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I did not marry a roomba.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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