glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
