If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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