I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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