My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
