I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
