What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
