I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
