I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
