I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
