wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
