I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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