yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
