I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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