My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I believe in your delicious
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
