I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
where are my eyebrows?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
