This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
